shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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