i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize