I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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