I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize