I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
