I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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