Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
