every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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