When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
