What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
