I wish my penis had an off switch
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
