Soap is not a condiment
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
