Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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