I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
