this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
