i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
