i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
