As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She announced her abortion via fbk
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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