I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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