before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
