I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
