He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
