It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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