VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just invented taco cereal.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
