I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
