Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You need a sexual gate keeper
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
