i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
