I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
