How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize