That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even my vagina gasped.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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