My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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