I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
