Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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