i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
