Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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