Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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