i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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