My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
