**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize