Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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