My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
