Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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