I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hippo gnu deer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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