Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
