grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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