Midget sex pt 2 tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
