I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
