In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize