he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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