FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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