this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
