i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize