At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
