Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
