and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
