I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
