When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
