Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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