I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
