i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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