That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ttyl tear gas
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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