are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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