my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
