if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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