You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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