she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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