I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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