help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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