my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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